Tonight. 12.51am to be precise. Crazy right? It's never easy to face the true fears that lie within your deepest self. Maybe that's why I kept ignoring it, pretending that it never existed. But I was wrong. The turnstile of life draws the most vulnerable and true parts of you out, and yet I fail to see that I am limited. I am limited by myself. It's almost impossible for me to acknowledge the reality at times, to say for once that I may well and truly desire to explore beyond that which I have been given. Why, still, do I remain trapped? Do these words I let flow even create fathomable sentences? Is this the reason I was brought into this admittedly small and time bound world which will eventually consume me before pledging to another soul? These question I pose, I leave for myself to answer but realise how much more confused it only makes me. That emptiness. It's eating me away leaving me lost and open to a soul of darkness and falsity. But then, it is I who brought u...
Tonight was amongst the nights where I begin to question many things. My choices, my life, my perspective; it's all being put under the light and I see myself making decisions I otherwise would not have fathomed. More often than not, such moments make me happy. It comes to me as a differential point between what truly matter and what I have left to perceive as important. Sudden change can bring about good. "Change is an inevitable process". Oh my love for such concept cannot fairly be expressed after undergoing an entire module in English on the notion of change. *Sigh*, the joys of english. Anywho, I feel enlightened after making quite a decision tonight, although I do hope my faith in this choice isn't as periodic as the thought of change was!
Many believe that it is an important step in life to keep moving forward and never look back. I don't understand what seems to be so wrong and abominable to take a step back and reflect. We may not be shaped by our past, however it has composed us to be who we currently are. Whenever we move forward in life, it's quite important to stop, turn back and see where we came from. Our only measure of success is with the reflection of who we were yesterday. Why must we be told to forget our previous doings, whether good or bad? We quite definitely have the capability to walk a million miles in our own shoes, however as we begin to gain comfort in our shoes, we must remember what has brought about this difference. Let our past be the movie we turn to in the moments of forgetting who we are. From now on wards, it's two steps forward yet one step back.
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