The string of thoughts

Tonight. 12.51am to be precise. Crazy right? It's never easy to face the true fears that lie within your deepest self. Maybe that's why I kept ignoring it, pretending that it never existed. But I was wrong. The turnstile of life draws the most vulnerable and true parts of you out, and yet I fail to see that I am limited. I am limited by myself. It's almost impossible for me to acknowledge the reality at times, to say for once that I may well and truly desire to explore beyond that which I have been given. Why, still, do I remain trapped? Do these words I let flow even create fathomable sentences? Is this the reason I was brought into this admittedly small and time bound world which will eventually consume me before pledging to another soul?  These question I pose, I leave for myself to answer but realise how much more confused it only makes me. That emptiness. It's eating me away leaving me lost and open to a soul of darkness and falsity. But then, it is I who brought upon myself such situation. Maybe this thought for reflection will be the turning point. Perhaps I have come to realise the lack of worthy substance in being consumed by this fast paced, confused and overrated world which offers none but a deep bearing scar of an open wound. It's holding on to me so tightly, masking the small cry escaping inadvertently wanting nothing more than to escape. Conformity, but who to blame? Society perhaps can be the cause, but that only piles along an array of excuses clouding my inability to accept that it is I who has created this path of failings. Me; the only one to make it right and let it all be the way my heart yearns to beat. It's scary. This great big world with wonders to offer yet corners so darkly hidden that the night sky fears shining the moon upon it. I turn to the immediate to gain a moments worth of fulfillment, but undoubtedly that fades for it is not a permanent aid in fixing the long weaved soul that is so fragile and intermittent. With words of empathy being flown, here's my cue to ponder on the ways that this could be a rhythmic and synchronised journey, yet like all journeys this too will come to an end. But here I sit, praying to be of the more selfless, the more thoughtful, the more appreciating.